The Stuff

"Are you eating it? Or is it eating you?" 

Anyone remember The Stuff? It's a bit more obscure, I'll admit, but the message resounds still today that primarily greed rules our food supply. The basic premise is that some miners find this yogurt-y lookin' "stuff" bubbling up from the ground, they taste it and decide it's delicious, then it gets marketed to the general public, who become addicted to it, become zombies, and basically get eaten from the inside out by it, eventually dying. 

The Stuff (1985)

Now, tell me how creepily familiar this next part sounds...

So, once it's discovered that The Stuff is killing people, and John Q. Public has been warned to dispose of his stash, the food industry starts experimenting with using smaller amounts of The Stuff inside regular ice cream so that they can keep the buyers addicted,and keep making money on it, but hopefully not have the customers get eaten from the inside out, at least not fast enough to have The Stuff be blamed for it. 

MSG anyone? Processed meat, maybe? Trans fat, much?!

Now let me just step down off of my soap box, brush myself off and get composed...

Ah, there we go. Let's get down to my very edible, healthy, and non-addictive (at least not in the "bad" way) version of The Stuff.

The Stuff in the film is white, but who wants to eat white puddin', I ask you? So, mine is chocolate. I threw coconut shavings on top for some white effect. So there.

This is an even simpler version of the Vegan Chocolate Mousse we all know and love. You know, the one where you melt chocolate chips down and combine them with non-dairy milk and sugar and tofu. But, frankly, when I'm really craving chocolate, I'm also usually in a brain-state that dictates, "You are too tired and bitchy to wait for chocolate to melt!" That's where The Stuff comes in. It's just powdered cocoa, silken tofu (hell, I don't even drain it), your choice of liquid sweetener, and a touch of vanilla. And it's awesome! 

Try some!

You'll love it, pretty mama.

2 12.3-ounce boxes silken tofu

1/2 cup powdered cocoa

1/2 cup your choice liquid sweetener*, or more to taste

1 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

• This could not be simpler. Put all of the ingredients in a food processor and whirl until it's smooth and creamy, stopping to scrape down the sides every now and then. Once it's creamy, give it a taste and add more sweetener if necessary. That's all there is to it.
• *I used raw agave with a touch of liquid stevia, but maple syrup or homemade simple syrup (probably just about anything sweet and runny) works too.  

Please take care to tighten the lid on your food processor, or this might happen...