Vegan 'Puppy Chow'

Super easy to make, cheap, and delicious. Plus, it makes a ton! You can't go wrong with this stuff. It's a finger food, it's a kid food, it's an ice cream topping, it's a popcorn add-in, it's a pretzel mate, it's everything you dream of and more. There's no baking involved so feel free to let your kiddos get in on the preparation.

Here's what you'll need:

1 cup vegan semi-sweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup nut or seed butter of choice (I used sunflower seed butter)
1/4 cup vegan butter
1 12.8-ounce box of rice chex or crispix-style cereal
1 cup powdered sugar

• In a double boiler, or in a metal or ceramic bowl placed over an inch or so of water, melt the chocolate chips, nut or seed butter, and vegan butter. Stir gently until smooth and well-mixed. 
• Pour over cereal and gently stir, folding chocolate into the cereal, coating each piece. If you have a large Tupperware container with a tight-fitting lid, you can gently shake the mixture until everything is evenly coated. 
• Once the chocolate has cooled slightly, go ahead and toss in the powdered sugar. Gently stir or shake again.
• That's all there is to it. Enjoy!

P.S. We're experimenting with a hybrid of the gluten-free and Feingold diets to try to curb my daughter's ADHD symptoms before school starts back up. So, you'll be seeing lots and lots of gluten-free and low-salicylate recipes over the summer. If it works, you'll be seeing them indefinitely! Wish us luck. 

Beef(less) Mushroom Stroganoff

Sorry I've been slow to update the site, but I've got an exciting excuse! I used some of my tax return money to enroll in the Forks Over Knives cooking course, and it's been keeping me busy during my tiny bits of "computer time" each day. Next year I'm really hoping to enroll in the Plant-Based Professional course, and become a bona fide vegan chef. Maybe start earning money with my cooking? Yes, please! I'll keep you guys updated on my progress.

In the meantime, I'll post as often as I can. The FOK course ends in May, so I should be posting with more regularity by summer. Hang in there!

I was craving something classic, hearty, and old-school, so I pulled down the only non-vegan cookbook I own, which is called Jeanne Jones' Homestyle Cooking Made Healthy: 200 Classic American Favorites Low in Fat With All the Original Flavor. I freakin' love this cookbook. It's got all the classic American staples in it, and they're all sort of semi low fat, not that anyone cares about fat anymore, but if you could see the adorable photo of the author, a tiny little ol' lady named Jeanne, you'd fall in love like I did.

So, I cracked it open to a classic Beef Stroganoff recipe, and I veganized that bee. So, here's my version of Beef(less) Mushroom Stroganoff, adapted from the Jeanne Jones cookbook referenced above.

12 or 16 ounce bag of any wide, flat noodles
3 tablespoons oil or vegan butter
1 little carton of mushrooms, cut into quarters
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 onion, diced
2 bags of Gardein Beefless Tips*
2 1/2 tablespoons unbleached all purpose flour
2 1/2 cups vegetable or no-beef broth
3 tablespoons marsala wine ($3.99 for a huge bottle at Trader Joe's!)
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon dried basil
3/4 cup vegan sour cream
Salt and pepper, to taste
Fresh parsley, finely chopped (to garnish)
*If you can't swing the cost of Gardein, sub two extra cartons of mushrooms.

• Pre-cook your noodles in a large pot according to package directions, drain them, shock them by running cold water over them until they're totally cool, then put them back in the big pot and set them aside.
• In a large, nonstick skillet, heat two tablespoons of the oil or butter over medium-high heat. Add garlic and onions and saute until just beginning to turn translucent, about 5 minutes. Add your mushrooms. Cook them only a few minutes more, stirring frequently, until they are just beginning to soften. Remove from skillet and set aside.
• Heat the remaining tablespoon of oil or butter in the same hot skillet. Brown the outsides of your Gardein Beefless Tips, if using. When you're finished, dump the Gardein into the same bowl you have your onions, garlic and mushrooms in. 
• In your same hot skillet, brown with goo from cooking (which is exactly what you want), place your flour. Slowly stir in the broth, whisking constantly, until the flour isn't clumped. Heat should be medium. Whisk in the wine, tomato paste, paprika, dried basil, and a few shakes of salt and pepper. Reduce heat to simmer and stir occasionally, until mixture thickens slightly. 
• Turn off the heat and add the sour cream.
• Pour the sauce into the large pot containing your pre-cooked noodles. Add the beefless tips (if using), mushrooms and garlic. Gently stir and mix everything together until all the noodles are coated with the sauce and the mushrooms and beefless tips are spread throughout.
• When you serve the dish, top it with some fresh, finely chopped parsley. It's easy to grow, so you shouldn't have to buy it, but if you do have to buy it, it's cheap. And it's a showstopper that really elevates the look of the dish and freshens it up on your palate.
• This makes about four really big servings, or eight small to reasonable-sized servings. We Texans like huge servings, so it's always hard for me to make a calculation on these things.
• Enjoy!

Chocolate Banana Peanut Butter Shake

It's already getting steamy in the great state of Texas. I started pumping the AC somewhere around mid-February, which means it's finally time for some cold drinks up in here! Enter this bad boy, the one containing the holy trinity of sweet flavors - chocolate, peanut butter, and bananas. Woot woot! Try it. You'll never be the same, friend.

2 ripe bananas
4 dates, pitted*
1 cup non-dairy milk
4 tablespoons smooth peanut butter
2 tablespoon cocoa powder
10 ice cubes, or more to taste

*Sometimes you can find dates at a decent price (Trader Joe's has them pretty cheap) and sometimes you can't. If your budget doesn't allow for dates, replace them with a liquid sweetener, like agave or maple syrup, about a teaspoon of sweetener for each date. Or just leave the sweet stuff out altogether! If your banana is ripe and your peanut butter has sweetener in it, you may not need extra sweetener at all. But if you can swing the dates, I highly recommend them. They add a lovely touch of natural sweetness to this drink. Some rum would be nice too...

• Place bananas, dates (or liquid sweetener), milk, peanut butter, and cocoa powder into the blender and blend until nice and smooth. 
• Add ice cubes, a few at a time, until cubes are crushed and drink is chilled.
• Makes one large glass (think Mason jar) or two smaller glasses.
• Enjoy!

Vegan Nacho Cheese Sauce

Oh my Lord, people. My life just got seriously better because I tasted this cheese sauce. It is AMAZING! And, guess what, it's two main ingredients are carrots and potatoes. Seriously!

How do carrots and potatoes come together to chemically formulate what is easily the best-tasting vegan cheese sauce I've ever stuffed into my face? Is it magic? Some kind of medieval sorcery? I don't know, but I am so grateful!

2 cups peeled, cubed, boiled, drained potatoes (about 2-2 1/2 medium potatoes)

1 cup peeled, chopped, boiled, drained carrots (about 3 medium carrots)

1/2 cup nutritional yeast flakes

1/3 cup canola or extra virgin olive oil*

1/3 cup water or vegetable broth

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1 teaspoon salt, or more to taste

1/2 teaspoon turmeric, or more to taste

1/2 teaspoon chili powder, or more to taste

Unsweetened non-dairy milk of choice, to taste

• Place all ingredients into a high-powered blender** and blend. It's just that simple! Put your drained carrots and potatoes into the blender right after you drain them, while they're still piping hot, so your cheese will be piping hot too.
• As you're blending, drizzle in some milk to help thin it out a bit, if you want to. 
• Can be stored in the fridge, in an airtight container (I'm not sure how long because we always eat it up pretty quickly), for a few days, perhaps? 
• *I'm working on figuring out a way to reduce the oil in this recipe. It's way too much, I know. I'll keep fiddling with it and get back to you.
• **If you don't have a high-powered blender (I sure don't), you might want to liquify in a food processor first, then transfer to a blender and drizzle in the milk while blending, to keep your little $20 blender from overheating.
• Enjoy!

Banana-Pecan Muffins

I hope everyone had a fabulous Halloween! We tried the "Switch Witch" thing for the first time this year. My daughter was able to go out and trick-or-treat like everyone else, but at the end of the night she left her candy out for Switch Witch, who swooped in while she was sleeping, took her garbage candy ("to feed to her naughty cat") and left, in it's place, good quality candy that I don't have to worry about her eating. No dyes, no preservatives, etc. It worked like a charm and my kiddo didn't have to feel left out of the Halloween festivities! The junk candy went to work with my husband who left it out in the breakroom for his co-workers. 

The morning after Halloween I made these fantastic muffins because I wanted to use the tons of pecans falling from the tree in my front yard right now! I seriously have three buckets full of pecans and at least three or four dozen more pecans fall from the tree every day. I love pecans, so I'm in heaven! I can't wait to make pies. If you don't have pecans, or they are too expensive, any nut will do. Or you can replace the nuts in the streusel topping with oatmeal, which is super cheap. Feel free to be creative!

Also, my daughter (who is a really picky eater) absolutely LOVED these! She ate two for breakfast, then came home after school and ate four more. If you have kids, you might want to make a double batch.

1 1/2 cups non-dairy milk (I used unsweetened almond)

2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar

2 2/3 cups flour (I used white whole-wheat)

1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

3/4 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons cinnamon

1/3 cup vegan butter, softened

3/4 cup granulated sugar (organic preferred)

1/4 cup vegan yogurt (I used unsweetened coconut yogurt)

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 large overripe bananas, mashed

1 cup pecan pieces

1/2 cup brown sugar (organic preferred)

• Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Grease a 12-muffin tin or place paper liners in it.
• In a small bowl, whisk the milk and vinegar together and set aside to allow it to curdle.
• Beat butter and sugar together until light and fluffy, about two minutes or so. 
• Add yogurt, milk and vinegar mixture, and vanilla. Mix well. 
• Add bananas and mix again.
• On top of your soft mix, dump the dry ingredients. Flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and cinnamon. Then stir with a spoon or beat gently until well-incorporated, but take care not to overmix or your muffins will be tough.
• Spoon the batter into your muffin tin, filling each cup almost to the top. I did two scoops into each cup with a large cookie scoop, and that worked perfectly. 
• In a separate bowl, mix your nuts or oats with the brown sugar and spoon it onto the tops of your muffins. 
• Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a muffin comes out clean.
• Enjoy!

Fresh No-Cook Spaghetti Sauce

In the mood for something fresh, light, easy and breezy? You have to try this amazing, no-cook spaghetti sauce! A few days ago, a friend of a friend on Facebook posted a video from Food & Wine magazine that I saved immediately because I just knew I had to try it. You just use a box grater to grate tomatoes into a bowl, add a few other ingredients, mix it with cooked pasta and you're good to go. I thought it must be too good to be true, but I tried it for dinner tonight and I'll be danged if it isn't delicious! Here's the video:

And here's my take on it:

16 ounces spaghetti noodles, cooked

6 to 8 large, ripe beefsteak tomatoes, cut in half

3 tablespoons olive oil (optional)

1/2 to 1 teaspoon salt, to taste

1/2 to 1 teaspoon garlic powder, to taste

1 teaspoon dried oregano

Handful fresh basil leaves, chopped

• Grate the tomatoes into a large bowl with a box grater.
• Add remaining ingredients, to taste, and stir. 
• Toss with your spaghetti and serve.
• Seriously, it's that freakin' easy.
• Enjoy!

Portobello Sloppy Joe's

Hey friends! It's been a long time since I posted on this blog, but that's all about to change. If you followed my summer adventures on the blog, The Thinking Spoon, you will know that I had surgery to remove a rare and fast-growing 4.5x5cm tumor from my left breast. The surgery wasn't too bad at all, but I suffered severe bronchitis and a disgusting staph infection on my leg afterward. So, it's not been the greatest summer. I'm still weak and I've put on a lot of weight from all my time spent convalescing, but I'm finally starting to perk up. And I'm ready to reclaim my health! The recipes that I will feature from here on out will focus on maximizing nutritional benefits. I need to lose weight, get strong, and make darn sure I don't wind up with another cancer scare. I hope you'll come along with me and offer your support and suggestions along the way. I love hearing from you guys! So, let's get started with a new recipe in a new year from a new gonna-get-healthy Jen. 

In the South we like our Sloppy Joe's kind of sweet, with a maple-y BBQ flavor. If you prefer them more on the savory side, leave out the sugar and ketchup, and just add an extra tablespoon or so of tomato paste, along with some savory spices of your choosing. You can't mess this one up. Just taste as you go and you'll end up with something fun, yummy, and really, really messy on your plate, which is why they have the word "sloppy" right there in the title.
I topped mine with homemade pico de gallo, but I think pickled jalapenos or just straight-up lettuce and tomato would be nice too. My husband likes to spritz his with classic hot sauce and my daughter likes to eat hers on tortilla chips. You seriously can't go wrong. I hope you enjoy these!
<1 pound portobello mushroom caps, coarsely chopped 1 tablespoon extra virgin olive oil 1 large sweet onion, small dice 1 large red bell pepper, small dice 3/4 cup + 2 tablespoons cheap beer, divided

1/3 cup walnuts, finely chopped (optional, depending on your budget)

4 tablespoons tomato paste

1/4 cup ketchup

1 teaspoon sugar

A few drops of liquid smoke

Salt and pepper, to taste

6 hamburger buns

Toppings of your choice (homemade pico de gallo is pictured)

• Whirl the mushrooms in batches in a food processor until very finely chopped, scraping the sides as needed to incorporate larger chunks. Don't pulse them so long that they liquify.
• Drizzle oil into a hot cast iron skillet. Add the onions and cook until soft. Add 1 tablespoon of the beer and continue to cook for a few minutes more.
• Add walnuts and red bell pepper to the pan, along with an additional tablespoon of beer, and cook until the pepper pieces are tender.
• Add the mushrooms and cook until soft and well-incorporated.
• Add all remaining ingredients, except buns and toppings (d'uh). Simmer uncovered, stirring occasionally, until the mixture reaches a taste and consistency that you like. Feel free to fiddle with the flavors, add some other spices, or jazz it up any way you like it. 
• When you get it where you want it, turn off the heat and allow the mixture to rest a few minutes. It will thicken a bit as it rests.
• Spoon onto toasted buns and top with your favorite stuff. 
• Enjoy!

Alicia Simpson's Sweetgrass Snickerdoodles

Naughty li'l elves!

I have yet to try an Alicia Simpson recipe that doesn't taste amazing! This snickerdoodle cookie recipe is no exception. Crispy, cinnamon-y and full of seasonal oomph, I'm planning to give little stacks of these beauties as Christmas gifts. They go great with coffee or chai tea. And, as you can see in the photo, Santa's Scout Elves just love them! My daughter has two scout elves because Santa determined that she needed an extra set of eyes on her during the holidays - she's a chronic gift-jiggler. She named her elves Lula and Layla, which makes me curious about the names of my future grandchildren...

Alicia Simpson's Sweetgrass Snickerdoodles

from Quick and Easy Vegan Comfort Food (affiliate link)

1/2 cup nonhydrogenated margarine

1/2 cup shortening

1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce

1 cup granulated sugar

1/2 cup light brown sugar

2 3/4 cups unbleached all-purpose flour

1 1/2 teaspoons cream of tartar

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

Garnish:

1/4 cup sugar

1 tablespoon ground cinnamon

• Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
• Cream the margarine and shortening with the applesauce and sugars. In a separate bowl combine the flour, cream of tartar, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. 
• Combine the dry ingredients with the creamed mixture 1/2 cup at a time and mix with an electric mixer until all of the dry ingredients are incorporated.
• Chill the dough for about 10 minutes in the refrigerator. 
• Combine 1/4 cup granulated sugar with the cinnamon. 
• Scoop 1-inch balls of dough with a teaspoon. Roll each ball in the cinnamon sugar mixture, coating all sides. 
• Place on a baking sheet about 1 1/2 inches apart and bake for 12 minutes for chewy cookies and up to 15 minutes for a crisper cookie.
• Remove from baking sheet, cool, and enjoy.

Please Note: Alicia Simpson did not put me up to this. I purchased the cookbook on my own, years ago, and I love it! If you want to support a fantastic vegan cookbook author, buy something with her name on it. You won't be sorry! I've included all of her Amazon.com cookbook listings below. If you click and buy one (or all!) of these books through my links, I'll get a small percentage of the purchase price, which really helps me out. Thanks!

Easiest, Yummiest Mac and Cheese

It's finally Autumn in North Texas, my favorite time of year! After another brutally hot summer, it's finally cool enough to open the windows and let some crispy fresh air come inside. Even better, it's pouring down sweet, much-needed rain right now. I have the house to myself. And I'm catching up on both my cleaning and my Netflix queue. It's a great day! Of course, a great day like this calls for some comfort food. I made chocolate oatmeal energy balls last night, so sweets are covered. The only thing missing is something cheesy. Enter the Easy Vegan Macaroni and Cheeze recipe from the Fat Free Vegan Kitchen. I just did a quick Google search for "the best" vegan mac and cheese and this is what popped up. Oh, and guess what? It's absolutely delicious! Creamy and "cheesy," even better than the boxed stuff - vegan or otherwise. Give it a try. It's perfect for this Fall weather, and I'm 99.99% certain that I will be serving it on my Thanksgiving table this year.

EASY VEGAN MACARONI AND CHEEZE
(recipe by Susan Voisin, who writes at blog.FatFreeVegan.com)
"Besides being low-fat, this recipe is also low in sodium, so salt-lovers may need to add salt. The tahini adds a little fat but a lot of flavor; still, leave it out if you need a completely oil-free dish.

Ingredients

• 1 pound pasta (regular or gluten-free), cooked according to package directions
• 1 1/4 cups water
• 1 cup plain, fat-free soymilk (may use other non-dairy milk)
• 3/4 cup nutritional yeast
• 3 tablespoons cornstarch or potato starch
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 1 teaspoon salt (or more to taste)
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon onion powder
• 1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
• 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
• 1/2 teaspoon turmeric
• pinch cayenne pepper
• 2 tablespoons tahini (optional, but lends creaminess and flavor)
• 1 teaspoon mellow white miso (or additional salt)
• black pepper to taste

Instructions

1. Put the pasta on to boil, according to package directions. While it’s cooking, blend water and all remaining ingredients together in a blender. When the pasta is al dente, drain it, reserving about 1/2 cup of the cooking water, and return the pasta to pan. Add the sauce mixture and cook, stirring, until mixture boils and thickens. Add a little of the pasta water if more moistness is needed.
2. If the sauce is not as flavorful as you’d like, add a little more mustard and onion powder.

Preparation time: 10 minute(s) | Cooking time: 25 minute(s)

Number of servings (yield): 8 
Makes 8 servings. Per serving: 303 Calories (kcal); 4g Total Fat; (10% calories from fat); 15g Protein; 54g Carbohydrate; 0mg Cholesterol; 316mg Sodium; 5g Fiber. Also, if you use nutritional yeast fortified with B-12, one serving provides 100% of the daily requirement of that vitamin."

Earth Balance Review

I'm going to take a quick detour from my Vegan MoFo theme and do a review of this amazing Earth Balance stuff that I won - yes, WON! - from VeganMoFo.com. So, I'm just putting it out there that I wasn't given this stuff specifically to review, and nobody asked me to review it. I am reviewing it because I thought it would be a nice thing to do since I won it. Did I mention that I won it?! Seriously, though, I only won it because MoFo is a time of magic, when unicorns whinny outside my kitchen window and pixies poop jellybeans into my morning coffee.
I love you, MoFo! Thanks for the giveaway and the awesome prize! And, mucho thanks to Earth Balance for supplying and shipping it - oh, and for inventing it too! I bet I eat my weight every year in organic Earth Balance butter, a substance for which I will always be grateful to you. Love the stuff.

This is my prize. ALL of this! Mine! ALL MINE!!!

Fra-geeeee-laaaaaay.

That top picture,yeah that one with all the goodies, is what came in a rather beat up box to my modest home in Fort Worth, TX, on a hot summer day earlier this week. I was tired from work and grouchy from the heat. Cracking open a homely and unassuming box to find pure treasure inside was such a delight!

Now, on to the reviews...

 Earth Balance Creamy Peanut Butter

It's creamy, sweet (but not too sweet), and easy to spread on toast. What more can I say? Oh yeah, it doesn't separate. You don't have to spend two hours digging into the dry gulch at the bottom of the jug, knocking oil out all over your countertop, trying to get the nuts and the oil to kiss and make up. It's easy-peasy to work with and it's delicious.

Earth Balance Vegan Cheddar Squares

Oh my goodness, these are so yummy! They are light and buttery. The "cheese" flavor doesn't come through very strongly on the first bite - it's more of an aftertaste. But I didn't mind. These were really tasty. I had to stop myself from gorging on them. And today, when I got home from work, I was really looking forward to having another handful only to find that my husband and daughter had eaten the whole box! Grrrrrrr.

Earth Balance Vegan Cheddar Kettle Chips

I'm gonna be honest. This was my least favorite offering from the box of goodies. The chips themselves are cooked perfectly - flaky and crunchy, and kind of oily, exactly like a good kettle chip should be. But the "cheddar" flavor is a bit off-putting. It's very strong, and it's not at all like traditional cheese. It has that weird whang of Daiya cheddar in it. If you've ever eaten Daiya you probably know what I mean. It's good, but it doesn't taste a thing like cheese. And it leaves an oily aftertaste in your mouth. To the chips' credit, though, I liked them enough to down the whole bag at work today. I let some of my coworkers try them too, to mixed reviews. I think this is a 'like it' or 'hate it' kind of treat. Some liked it, others hated it. My husband was one of the haters, but he also hates Daiya. I don't mind Daiya so much, if it's used on the right dishes. And I didn't mind these so much either, but I don't think I will buy more unless they are on deep clearance.

Earth Balance Vegan Cheddar Mac and Cheese

It is absolutely amazing how much this looks like standard Kraft mac and cheese. It's a dead ringer! The flavor is nice, but it isn't going to fool anyone. It's amazing to behold, though - it's the closest I've ever seen to the boxed mac and cheese in vegan form. Like the kettle chips, it has a little whang of that Daiya-type aftertaste, and a slight acidity that I'm unaccustomed to in mac and cheese. But, if you don't go into it expecting it to taste exactly like the mac and cheese of your youth, and just go with it for what it is, you will be pleasantly surprised. My six-year-old daughter, who is a very picky eater, ate 2/3 of the bowl you see in the photo, so that right there is a vote of confidence. I think we will be buying this again, depending on the price. Take my advice and sprinkle a little nooch and freshly-ground black pepper on the top. It cuts the tiny sting of acidity you get (it's almost like a slight vinegar taste) and makes this totally snarf-able. My only complaint is that one box doesn't make very much. That bowl you see in the photo is the entire box! The bowl I used is just a standard-sized rimmed soup bowl that will comfortably hold one regular can of soup. The nutrition label purports to contain two and a half servings, but unless you are feeding tiny gnomes, you're hardly going to get two and a half servings out of it. 

Earth Balance Vegan White Cheddar Mac and Cheese

This box of mac and cheese was a vast improvement over the orange cheddar one. The flavor was much more smooth, less acidic. I really liked it and so did my daughter. This is the flavor we will likely be buying on a regular basis. The nooch and black pepper on top (not pictured) is good on this as well, but not 100% necessary. It tastes good all by itself. Thumbs up! Again, though, it didn't make very much. It's really just one serving unless you're eating it alongside other foods. But who the heck does that?? When I make mac and cheese it's because I'm too lazy to really cook, and the mac and cheese is all I eat. This happens more often than I care to admit... *sigh*

Altogether, my family and I thoroughly enjoyed this sample box of goodies and I'm so grateful I had the opportunity to try all of this wonderful stuff! 

P.S. Earth Balance, I have one request - please offer the white cheddar mac and cheese in a gluten free option and I will be your best customer. Seriously, I will eat it every day! Thanks!

Christine's Premium Motor Oil

Christine's Premium Motor Oil tastes oddly like chocolate syrup...

There are those perfect vegans in the world whose taste buds are so pure, unadulterated and refined that they claim to never crave any unhealthy foods. They might say, for instance, "I used to Jones for ice cream 24/7, but now all I ever want is kale." To this I say both Piff and Twaddle. C'mon, guys. Are you seriously telling me that you never crave slumber party food? Like, never?! 

Well, the opposite of that is me - I am a junk food enthusiast who could live on homemade popcorn drenched in vegan butter and nooch, and who loves to bake bake bake! Yes, I do try to control my intake of junk food, and I eat my fair share of kale, but I would be straight-up lying if I said I never had a sharp craving for the rich stuff - sugary, chocolaty, richy rich, ooey gooey, yummy stuff. Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about!

Luckily, thanks to the absolute necessity of learning to cook if you want to be a healthy vegan, I can make my own versions of just about anything I'm craving. That's where this li'l awesome recipe comes in.

My six-year-old daughter, Lila, wanted ice cream with chocolate syrup. (She has two boxes of Ruby's Rockets in the freezer, but - no! - it had to be ice cream.) We all know the frozen banana ice cream trick (if you don't know it, scroll down to the bottom of this post), and it always suffices. She loves the stuff. But what about the syrup? I could probably find something that's technically vegan at the grocery store, but I don't want my little toot gobbling up gallons of HFCS and artificial dyes. What to do? Keep reading and you'll find out...

Christine (1983)

Anybody remember the movie Christine? The book was by the great Stephen King, the movie by the equally great John Carpenter. If you've never seen it, it's honestly really good. And, like so few horror films from the 80s, it stands the test of time. If you have cable TV (I, myself, do not *sigh*) I'm sure you'll be able to catch it in October when AMC starts running horror films all month. I highly recommend that you DVR it. Also, the title character, Christine, is a car. Thus, the motor oil association.

And now, let's get to the chocolate syrup recipe... Nom nom nom.

Christine's Premium Motor Oil

1 cup non-dairy milk (I used almond milk)

1 cup sugar, or more to taste

1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder, sifted if lumpy

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon vanilla
A few drops/squirts liquid stevia (optional)

• Bring the milk to a gentle boil in a small saucepan, stirring frequently with a whisk. 
• Add the sugar and whisk to dissolve.
• Add the cocoa and salt. Whisk to mix. Reduce heat to medium-low. 
• Let mixture simmer for a few minutes, stirring or whisking occasionally, until it starts to thicken a bit. It will thicken more as it cools.
• Remove from heat and whisk in the vanilla.
• Grab a spoon and try some. If it's not sweet enough, you can stir in a few drops of liquid stevia to pump it up.
• Allow to cool before pouring on ice cream or stirring into milk. This stuff makes a fantastic glass of chocolate milk!!
• Store in the refrigerator in an air-tight container.

Oh yeah, buddy! Banana ice cream with homemade chocolate syrup.
Life is gooooooooooood.

Side Note: We have begun homeschooling our daughter and this recipe was a fantastic cooking lesson for a six-year-old. It didn't have a lot of ingredients, but it did involve actual stove top cooking and mixing. She loved it!

Banana Ice Cream

If you've never made the banana ice cream, you must try it! It's so wonderful, and so insanely easy, you will never look back. Peel some bananas, break them up into two or three pieces and freeze them. When you're ready to make the ice cream, just toss the frozen bananas into a food processor and whirl until smooth - no sugar needed. My kid eats it right out of the processor tub and this is the reaction I get every time.

 A smile worth every dollop of ice cream dropped on the kitchen floor.

Evil Dead Delights

I work in a church and the sales rep from a giant corporate Christian book supply company just happened to stop in a few days ago to check in and see if we needed to order anything or whatever. He's a really nice guy, but I don't know him very well. I've only met him one other time in the year that I've worked there. Being a hospitable Southern gal, I offered him a muffin (vegan banana chocolate chip) and this sparked a nice conversation about vegan food and my blog and, of course, my MoFo theme. And then, get this, he says, "I have an idea for you. Evil Dead Delights." 

You have to picture it. This is a corporate Christian book supply guy in a button down shirt with a name tag on, not at all someone you'd expect to know what the heck The Evil Dead is. That's what I get for judging the book by it's cover, V'egg in my face! And I, of all people, should know better because nobody would ever look at me, in my dorky mom clothes, and think I love sci-fi and 80s horror films. 

So, this one's for you, really nice corporate Christian book supply guy in a button down shirt with a name tag on! I applaud your taste in 80s horror films. 

The Evil Dead (1981)

If you are unfamiliar with The Evil Dead trilogy, allow me to introduce you to it. It is the creation of Sam Raimi, whom you may know from the likes of Xena, Warrior Princess; SpiderMan; and Drag Me to Hell. The brilliant thing about The Evil Dead trilogy is that it starts off in all seriousness, with the first film being gory, gross and really spooky. Then the second film, The Evil Dead 2, starts to get a bit comical toward the middle - ridiculous amounts of blood, Ash's hand turning against him (this is where he gets his famous chainsaw arm), among other silly things. The third film in the trilogy, Army of Darkness, just goes balls out with zaniness. Ash is a total bad ass and he says tons of hilarious stuff. You can find literally thousands of Ash and Army of Darkness t-shirts, posters, toys, action figures, comics and so much more. It's a cult sensation. And it's totally delightful, just like these Evil Dead Delights.

Army of Darkness has a fabulous tagline:
"Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas."

I have a confession to make. I am one of those degenerate regulars you see in the clearance section of Half Price Books. You know, that shadowed section full of weirdos way back in the butt end of the store, right next to the bathrooms. Yeah, that's the one! Well, you may not know it but there's a cookbook section back there. And it rocks! My most recent score was a clean hardback copy of Skinny Bitch Bakery. Guess how much I paid for it. Go ahead, guess! Two bucks, my friend. It even has the dust jacket on it. Yeah, it's missing a few pages in the middle, but that ain't no thang. I can cook around that.

How can your mouth not water just looking at these things?!
And, yeah, they taste every bit as good as they look.

So, here's the recipe I chose to represent my Evil Dead Delights - Kim Barnouin's "Sanctuary Tracks Cookie Bars" from the Skinny Bitch Bakery cookbook. My personal baking notes are written parenthetically to the side of each ingredient. Deeeeee-licious!

1 tablespoon soy milk or creamer
1 cup mashed banana (I used one banana)
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour (I used whole wheat)
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon sea salt (I used regular ol' salt)
3/4 cup non-dairy margarine (I used Earth Balance)
3/4 cup evaporated cane sugar (I used organic white sugar)
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 cup crunchy organic peanut butter (I used creamy)
2 teaspoons vanilla extract 
1 1/2 cups vegan chocolate chips
1 cup organic raspberry jam (I used apricot preserves)

• Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease a 13x9" pan and set aside. In a small bowl, combine the soy milk and mashed banana and mix well. In a large bowl, sift together the flour, baking soda, and salt. In a separate bowl, cream the margarine, sugars, and peanut butter; then add the vanilla extract and banana mixture.
• Slowly add the dry ingredients to the liquid mixture until combined. Stir in the chocolate chips until well combined. Evenly spread half of the dough in the pan. Spread the raspberry jam on top of the dough, and add the remaining dough mixture; smooth with a rubber spatula.
• Bake the cookie bars for 20 to 25 minutes, or until they are golden on top. Let the cookie bars cool completely before cutting them into squares.

C.H.U.D. C.H.I.L.I.

Why, yes, that is an edible C.H.U.D., complete with carrot claws and olive eyes. Is it too terrifying to eat, or too cute? I'll let you decide.

Happy MoFo, everyone! Let's get this month-long party started! 
The theme I'm working with is 80's horror films. And what better film to start with than C.H.U.D.?

I grew up in Waco, TX, and the only place to rent movies was at a place called Flicks, which was in a tiny converted house wedged between the Piggly Wiggly and a full-service gas station. I was a frequent Flicks customer. My PawPaw drove me there every Friday and Saturday and I would easily watch between 4 to 6 horror films every weekend. There really wasn't much to do in Waco, TX, in the 80s before you were old enough to drive. My grandparents weren't too savvy about the movie titles, and they never ventured into Flicks themselves, so they didn't have a clue what I was watching. Seriously, I saw The Exorcist (alone!) at ten years old. And The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. And The Amityville Horror. And on and on and on... Am I scarred for life? Maybe, but the point is this: My middle-aged brain is now full of mildly useless trivia and quotes from all the horror movies I watched as a kid. And now I'm going to parlay that knowledge into fun recipes for the purpose of Vegan MoFo 2014. Woo Haw!

C.H.U.D. (1984)

C.H.U.D. - if you didn't already know - stands for Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers. The movie is terrible, but a lot of fun to watch. This one is particularly special to me because it is the only horror film I ever watched with my grandparents in the room. I was horrified the entire time it played, but MeeMaw and PawPaw chuckled in the background and chatted with each other, probably just bored and wishing they were playing dominoes or something.

I really want to get my hands on the C.H.U.D. DVD because, apparently, there is a fantastic commentary track that is "better that MST3K" (according to a reviewer on the movie's IMDB page). Being a huge fan of MST3K, I need to find out if this is true. I suspect it might be, as Daniel Stern is one of the commentators and that guy is hilarious.

So, anyway, on to my first MoFo creation, C.H.U.D. C.H.I.L.I!

I topped my C.H.U.D. C.H.I.L.I. with sliced and browned
Tofurky Italian Sausages and fresh pico de gallo.

1 cup vegetable broth, or more as needed
Half a white or yellow onion, diced
4 cloves garlic, crushed and minced
1 red bell pepper, diced (can sub green if you're broke)
2 large carrots, peeled and chopped
1 large zucchini, peeled and chopped (don't peel if it's organic)
1 jalapeno, seeded and minced
1 28-ounce can pinto beans, drained and rinsed
1 15-ounce can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 28-ounce can diced tomatoes
1 6-ounce can tomato paste 
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon dried oregano
Pinch of cayenne pepper
Salt and pepper, to taste
1 bunch fresh cilantro, coarsely chopped

• In a large pot, get your vegetable broth cooking over medium-high heat. Once it's pretty toasty, toss in your onion, garlic and carrots. Saute them in the broth until they begin to soften. This only takes a few minutes. Don't let your veggies turn to mush.
• Add the zucchini, bell pepper, jalapeno and spices. Cook for a couple of minutes. Add more broth if needed, just to keep things from sticking.
• Throw in your beans, diced tomatoes and tomato paste. Cover and cook for about half an hour on medium-low heat, stirring occasionally. Dribble in some extra broth to get it to the texture you like. Some folks like thick chili, some like it runny. 
• When it's about ten minutes from being ready, toss in your cilantro. I like to give the cilantro just enough time to flavor the chili, but not overcook it so that it stays bright green and beautiful.
• Keep tasting and tweaking every now and then. You might want more spices or more beans. This chili is very forgiving. Just get it to the point that it tastes fantastic to YOU.
• I like to top my chili with sliced and browned sausages (Tofurkey's Italian Sausages are only $2.99 at Trader Joe's right now!) and fresh pico de gallo. You can also try some vegan sour cream or vegan cheese! Vegan queso is delicious on this too.
• Enjoy, and don't get too close to any steamy manholes.

So, Basically I'm a Genius

I discovered something wonderful. 

If you put this...

and this...

together like this...

it totally tastes like this!

You're welcome.

Apricot Coconut Oatmeal Clusters

You know how some people do some stuff to relief stress in their lives? Like, my husband loves to read boring philosophy books and write songs on his guitar. That's just how the guy unwinds. My neighbor is a gardener and a fairly hardcore churchgoer - that's what blows his hair back. You know what I mean? We all have that thing that we love to do, and it makes us feel really good, and without it we get really, really wound up. For me, it's baking. I mean, seriously, I freakin' love to bake! But I'm... well... what's the PC term for it... I'm - uh - differently weighted... I'm gravitationally challenged... You get me? I'm fat, people! I'm a fat herbivore. Yes, they do exist! And I don't have a problem with being fat. My husband thinks I'm sexy, so it really doesn't bother me too much, with the exception of the fact that I am forever destroying the poor underwires in my bras and my knees are begging for mercy 24/7. There's also the desire to live long enough to meet my grandchildren and to enjoy the twilight years of retirement, kickin' back on the shore outside my imaginary lake house. So! To that end, I am always trying to create baked goods that are at least moderately healthy, but definitely succulent. But not SO succulent that I eat forty at a sitting. To that end, I introduce my latest home-bakery creation, the Apricot Coconut Oatmeal Cluster. It was meant to be a cookie, but it came out more like a clustery thing, so there ya go. There's no oil or butter in it, and minimal sugar (compared to my standard baked fare), plus it's jam-packed with fiber, so it's a win-win! Give these li'l cuties a try. You'll love 'em and you don't even have to feel guilty about eating them.

1 ripe banana, mashed with a fork

1/4 cup unsweetened applesauce

1/2 cup sugar

1/4 cup liquid sweetener (I used agave, but maple syrup'd work)

2 tablespoons almond milk

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 1/2 cup rolled oats

1/2 cup whole wheat flour

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Dash of nutmeg

1/2 to 1 cup dried apricots, coarsely chopped

1/4 to 1/2 cup unsweetened coconut flakes*

• Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
• Spray a large cookie sheet with baking spray, or use parchment paper or a SilPat.
• Mix the banana, applesauce, sugar, liquid sweetener, milk and vanilla together in a large bowl. 
• On top of the wet mixture, gently add the dry ingredients, but do not stir until you have everything added.
• Stir gently until just mixed.
• Gently fold in the apricots and coconut flakes. 
• *Side Note: I used organic unsweetened coconut flakes, which is what you see in the picture, not standard shredded coconut. But I think you could just about use anything in these clusters and it would taste nice. For example, you could eliminate the cinnamon and nutmeg and throw in some dark chocolate chips in place of the coconut. Or some nuts! Feel free to play around with the recipe and share your results in the comments.
• Drop by rounded teaspoon onto cookie sheet (I used a small cookie scoop).
• Bake for 15 minutes.
• Enjoy with an ice cold glass of almond milk or a cup of hot Earl Grey tea. Delicious!